The World According To Stephen with a ph

Three Hours Later....

2008-01-07T20:13:00.000Z

My dad and I set off for a hospital in Murcia this morning at 7.30am for a 9am appointment. We arrived in Murcia with plenty of time to spare which was lucky because it took us over half an hour to find the hospital. We were made to wait over an hour before he was seen by a nurse who was to do his pre-op checks blood pressure, heartrate, x-ray etc...
We then had to wait about half an hour for a doctor to tell him that he had a chest infection so they will not be able to operate tomorrow as planned. My dad was given a prescription and told to wait for somebody to explain what he was to do next. After another long wait a woman told us that he would get a phonecall tomorrow to arrange another appointment for next week, so after 3 hours we were free to go.

We called at a local pharmacy to pick up his prescription: 4 items costing 62 euros!! I have warned my dad to cut down the smoking and not to drink whilst on the antibiotics otherwise they won't even operate next week. All this means that I will be prolonging my stay here in spain which may sound nice but I am spending money I intended to save for my holiday in august.

By the way the weather has been glorious for the last three days!!

Alive and Kicking!!

2008-01-06T20:11:00.000Z

I haven't posted in a while for two reasons:
a) I have become addicted to Facebook and spend all my spare time on there
b) I have become lazy!!

My last post was written in Spain whilst I was on holiday with my son and this one is being created on the same computor here in spain.

I am here visiting my dad again because he is supposed to be going in for an operation on tuesday. He is a heavy smoker and has developed a blockage in an artery in his right leg so he is having a bypass done. He has to be at a hospital in Murcia for 9am tomorrow morning for a pre-op examination. If all goes well he will go back in on tuesday afternoon for the operation. We are not confident that they will operate as he has a chesty cough at the moment...due to excessive smoking!!

I came out here for a fortnight in november because he thought he was having the op then but all they did was inject his leg with a dye so that they could scan him which resulted in the discovery of the blocked artery.

So here I am again in San Pedro Del Pinatar on a one way ticket! I will book my flight home when my dad is well enough to cope on his own.
I left england last thursday during a blizzard at leeds/bradford airport. My flight was delayed for about twenty minutes whilst a very cold looking man aboard a crane jetwashed the snow off the wings. This made a nervous flyer feel very apprehensive, dont get me started on the turbulence over the pyrenees!!!

I have been drunk every night since I got here which has ruined my first new years resolution to abstain from drinking for a few months. I need to start going for long walks along the beach in an attempt to lose weight.

I am having a night in because we have an early start tomorrow so I am going now to watch a film that is about to start. More soon...I promise

Fitter,happier more productive....

2007-09-26T18:39:00.000+01:00

The title of this post is the first line of a bizarre track from Radiohead's album Ok Computer but it sums up how I am feeling at the moment.

A lot has happened recently so I thought I would share it with anyone who is interested in "blogland".

First up I have just got back from holiday, well last wednesday. I took my son to Spain to visit my Dad in San Pedro Del Pinatar. It was great to see my Dad again as I haven't seen him since last november. It was the first time Cameron had seen him in years so it was nice for all concerned. My Dad had hired a car for the fortnight so we were able to travel up to the mediterranean beach at Mil Palmeras which was great. On the whole the weather was nice and sunny although we didn't get up most days 'til lunchtime due to the late nights we were having. I was worried that it would be too quiet for Cameron as he is used to package holidays with pools and night time entertainment but he loved it. In actual fact I discovered what a good pool player he is....he beat my Dad a few times as well as a lot of the people we met there.

This is my favourite photo from the holiday!

I love this one too....Cameron is gonna love me for putting these on!!

Here is me and my Dad with Becky and Chantelle whom we met in our first week. We took them to a water park and had a great day despite the overcast conditions!

So as I said we got back last wednesday and I started college the next day. In case you don't know I am doing an Access to Nursing course. It was great to meet up with the people I had met during the week-long induction during the summer. The first day went well and we even got some homework to do.

I went out at teatime on friday to have a birthday drink with the lads in my local. I had five pints before a mate picked me up to go into town to meet some more of my older mates. It wasn't my birthday 'til midnight on friday but I wasn't going to let that minor technicality bother me when the lads were buying the drinks. Apperently I had a good night!!

Saturday morning I was awoken by numerous phonecalls and texts wishing me a happy birthday....thanks to everyone who interupted my hangover lol.

My best mate Kev picked me up at lunchtime because I was going to be stopping at his house after the 30th birthday ball we had been invited to. We went out for a couple of pints with his fiancee and her parents before getting ready to go to the ball.

The ball was good fun as I saw a few people I hadn't seen for quiet a while. Everyone was invited back to Kev's for a party where I duely collapsed on the floor. Kev, all 17st of him, jumped on my back and banged his head on the back of mine. He woke up with a lovely shiner lol.

Sunday afternoon Kev and Abi gave me a lift back to my local where my friends were waiting to meet "invisible Kev". That was the knickname given to him by Simon because I always go on about him but none of the lads in my local have met him. Anyway everyone got on well and Kev stayed for three pints. After he had gone I had a few more then moved on to a pub down the road where I met Muz, a mate from school. Another birthday pint bought for me then I was on my way into town to watch the second half of the football with Rich. I lasted longer than Rich but I don't remember going home. Aren't mobile phones great? Apperently I used mine to ring Kev when I got home to tell him that I had fallen asleep in Burger King and had been kicked out by the manager!

Monday morning came and went and I was still in bed with the worst hangover ever by mid afternoon. I had to get out from the relative comfort of my bed to go into town to book next years holiday where I am going to be Kev's bestman. The holiday came to £1914 for two weeks all-inclusive in Turkey for me and Cameron. I managed a £100 deposit and said my goodbyes....there was only one place I was going and that was back to bed to die.

The worst thing about having an hangover these days is the post drink blues that I suffer. I know that drink is a depressant and everyone feels a bit low after a heavy session but because I am Bi-polar I always worry that I am actually suffering from a depressive episode that I might not recover from. I literally have to keep telling myself that it is an after affect of the alcohol and that I am not on the slippery slope to the psychiatric ward.

I woke up tuesday morning feeling much better physically but I was still feeling a bit low. I thought a day at college would help me feel better but I was so wrong. The first class was Psychology where we were introduced to Sigmund Freud....not literally as he has been dead for years lol. There was so much to take in that I was questioning the reasoning behind why I was doing the course. The tutor said he will be giving us hand-outs for everything we did so I thought I could catch up in my own time by reading them. The afternoon session was even worse....Biology with the worst tutor imaginable. He was so boring and hard to follow. I started drifting off and once again I questioned what I was doing there.

Last night I felt a little better because I had treated myself to the 2nd series of The Sopranos and had already watched 4 episodes by the time Cameron came round to stay. Cameron helped me with a little printer problem I was having....erm I had plugged the wrong cable into the printer...Doh!!

This morning I woke up to a blue sky and ironically I wasn't feeling blue anymore. My plan for the day was to go into the college library and do the homework that has to be handed in tomorrow and go swimming at lunchtime....so that is exactly what I did.

I managed to write up my notes and prepare myself to type them up before I went to the pool. I was hoping to my usual mile but I am sorry to say I only managed to complete 20 lenghts. As soon as I dived in and started swimming I felt a twinge in my lower back. I have never had a bad back so I was quite concerned so that's why I stopped after the twenty.

I went back to college, had lunch then I typed up all my homework and printed it off. That may sound simple to you all out there but I have never been taught how to use Microsoft Word so it took me a while. I must say though I was pleased with the results.

So I am well prepared for tomorrow and actually looking forward to it.

I will have to get back on track with the diet because I weighed myself before my swim and I have put 7lbs on since the day before my holiday three weeks ago. I am now 15st!!!!

Surf's Up !!

2007-09-11T19:56:00.000+01:00

Hola!

I am still enjoying fun in the sun with Cameron and my Dad so I thought I would make you all jealous with a short video of my body-boarding in the Med.

We had a great day yesturday in the surf which had waves up to about six feet. We went back for more today but the red flag was flying so we couldn't even paddle...Cameron was gutted!

We are going out to a local restaurant for a slap up meal soon to fuel our day at the water park tomorrow.

Adios xx

Bye Now!

2007-09-03T19:44:00.000+01:00

Well it's that time of year again....

Tomorrow I am taking my son to see his Grandad in Spain. I will be gone for two weeks so I don't think I will be posting unless I can get Cameron off my Dad's new laptop that I am personally delivering tomorrow! I can't see him doing two whole weeks without going on msn lol.

I must take this opportunity to appologise for not posting about my diet. I wasn't feeling too good last week after one hell of a bender over the bank holiday weekend. I promise to get back on track when I get back....I am also gonna stop drinking from september 23, the day after my birthday.

Happy blogging.....adios amigos!!!

Day Two

2007-08-23T20:43:00.000+01:00

Nothing interesting to report today so I am just going to list what I have eaten today so that Vi can advise me.....

Breakfast: 3 shredded wheat with semi-skimmed milk( using it up before I buy the skimmed variety). A sprinkling of Tesco's own sweetner....it needs it!!

Lunch: tuna and sweetcorn on brown (tesco's finest!...I was there buying dinner) and a braeburn apple....I love these apples-sweet and crunchy!

Dinner: chicken breast (butterflied then pan-fried in a little sesame oil and chargrill seasoning), salad,couscous and coleslaw.

I had my dinner earlier than usual so by 8.30 I was feeling peckish. A quick walk to my local asian friend's corner shop and I was soon in the possession of a packet of Warburton's crumpets!
It says on the packet that there is less than 1% of fat....on closer inspection it also says : CARBOHYDRATE 20.9g(per crumpet) of which sugars 0.9g
What the hell does that mean? Well they are under the grill now so if they are bad for me I will have to find another healthier snack.....I do like cottage cheese and ryvitas....will buy them in next week's "big shop".

Day Two....done!

Food Glorious Food

2007-08-22T19:32:00.000+01:00

As some of my readers know I have been struggling with a weight problem so I have been trying different diets. I have recently been trying The Cambridge Diet which is a total food replacement diet. Over the last few weeks I have been struggling to cope with it so I felt I was wasting my money....usually about £35 a week for the shakes.

My blog friend Vi who runs a successful diet business (sorry Vi didn't know what to call it) has kindly offered to help me find a diet that works for me. Vi has suggested that I write a post everyday outlining what I have ate that day then she plans to advise me in the comments section. With me so far?

At least that will give me something to write about as my life is pretty empty at the moment....although I do take my son to Spain in two weeks time so I should have something to post in the near future.

Well here goes Vi....

Breakfast: A bowl of Tesco Finest muesli ( unfortunately it does contain dried fruit but I am not gonna throw it away) with semi-skimmed milk. One cup of coffee with two sweetners

Lunch: I skipped lunch today because I took Cameron to see The Bourne Ultamatum at 1pm.
Great film by the way...best in the trilogy!

Dinner: We were invited to Mum's so we were treated to a "sunday dinner" with all the trimmings. Roast Beef, carrots, parsnips, petite pois, cabbage, broccoli and of course yorkshire pudding all covered in gravy. "Northern boys love gravy".
You did tell me to include everything Vi so I have to report that I did have a slice of cheesecake!
Whilst waiting for dinner I did sneak in a couple of plums!

Well there you go....I look forward to your comments Vi and anybody elses will be more than welcome.

I have also told Vi that after my holiday I am going to be teetotal so I thought I would mention that.Obviously that will help with weight loss as I have been binge drinking of late.

So there you go Day One....

Poser!

2007-08-17T16:50:00.000+01:00

The above title refers to my 15yrs old son Cameron....

He has started his own mobile blog using the phone he got on his birthday last month.

You can check him out by clicking on the link in my blogroll to the right.....enjoy!

*proud dad grinning*

Laurel and Hardy

2007-08-14T22:29:00.000+01:00

I've been in this flat over two years and in all that time my water pressure has been less than pathetic. It takes me half an hour to run a bath as I have to run the hot water first then judge when to add the cold. My bathroom is in dire need to be decorated but I want to have a shower fitted so obviously I have to sort the water pressure out first.

Initially I contacted Yorkshire Water via email who to be fair contacted me within a few days and they arranged for an exploratory dig in the street outside my flat. The outcome was that the supply to my flat was more than the required pressure so they told me to contact the council....who I rent the flat from. Their first visit didn't really fill me with hope. Some old guy came and played with the Two stoptaps that are situated in my kitchen. They seemed fine he said so he had a look at the stoptap outside. The inspection lid was missing so the hole had filled with earth and he was unable to investigate the stoptap so he assured me that he would put in a request for the builders to dig out the hole. That was weeks ago so I phoned the council again and they arranged a visit from an inspector. He came last week and he said he would send a plumber out today to FIX the problem.

So at about 9:30am today Laurel and Hardy turned up. They were both old and experienced plumbers I presumed so I showed them into the kitchen and let them loose with their tools. One was under the worktop whilst the other one stood around and passed the odd adjustable spanner every now and then. The one on the floor related to me that it was probably a faulty stoptap but Hardy thought it must be the stoptap outside. I was in agreement with Hardy but Laurel proceeded to remove and replace said stoptap....creating a murky puddle on my kitchen floor no less! So an hour or so passed with these two eejits rearranging my plumbing but it was to no avail. Laurel said that the stoptap needed replacing but it hadn't solved the problem.

Surprise, surprise!

So once again I am waiting for builders to dig up my tiny little garden. They assured me that they would be here in the morning but I don't hold out much hope...I won't be setting my alarm put it that way!

Tales From The Amazon

2007-07-15T14:48:00.000+01:00

....it's like living in a bloody rain forest up here without all the large trees and wildlife usually found in tropical climates! I just won't stop raining. My Dad lives in Spain (Hi Dad) and we ring each other on a regular basis where he likes to report how warm it is over there...just makes living here even more depressing. I am taking my son to visit him in september for a fortnight so I can't wait...this will probably coincide with an indian summer in Britain lol.

Update on the diet: I was weighed on friday...14st 8lbs which means that I lost 2lbs in the last week. Not bad but I must admit to being a bit gutted. Last week I spent four days decorating at Mum's where I ended up snacking so it's no surprise my weight loss wasn't greater. I am going to stick to the diet religiously this week....well that's the plan anyway!

Tomorrow I am starting a week long induction at Doncaster College for the Access to Nursing course. I am really excited but also very apprehensive as I haven't studied for so long. I have got a couple of friends who have just finished the year long course and they have said I should be ok. I am still unsure wether I want to go on and do nurse training but I am using the course as a stepping stone. Because of my illness I don't have a very credible cv so it would be advantagous, when looking for work, to have done a college course. It would show that I have got some intellligence and am willing to work to acheive my goals.

Don't you just love your computer? Well I did up until a few days ago when it started crashing for no apparent reason. I would be in the middle of emailing someone then the screen would go black. Subsequently the pc would turn itself back on again displaying a screen I hadn't seen in the 18months I've had the laptop. It had instructions I didn't understand so chose to ignore. Eventually after it had pissed me off to the point where I was considering Bhudism to calm me down it would re-boot itself and act as if nothing had happened. This is in Doncaster....the dirty bastard!!! I took it to PC World who advised me to do a system recovery. All I had to do was back-up my files then insert the System Recovery Disc and follow the instructions....easy!
What fuckin recovery disc??? Oh that one I must have thrown out 18mths ago! The next step was to order said disc from The Tech Guys who charged me £35 for the pleasure....apparently it can take 2 to 4 weeks to arrive on my doorstep. Where's it coming from? Outer Mongolia on the bakof a Yak!! After ordering this I remembered something the geek at PC World had said about repeatedly pressing F10 on my keypad so I gave it a go. Lo and behold a Systems Recovery Wizard appears before my eyes. I follow the instructions and my laptop is restored to it,s factory settings....which means all my files are lost. But do not despair I have made back-up cds....or so I thought! I re-installed my photos without a hitch. I am getting good now. When I tried to re-install my music file...nothing. There was bugger all on it! So yesterday I spent all day feeding cds into my laptop to restore my My Music file to it's former glory.

So that's it! Another episode in the life of Stephen with a ph....gotta go now to do the ironing.

*mutters to himself* Must find a domestic minded girlfriend....

Bye now....

Ho Hum....

2007-07-03T19:51:00.000+01:00

....well that's how I am feeling at the moment. Things are starting to happen for me but not just yet!

Last night I attended a briefing session for the Access to HE at the local college. As a result of that I am doing the induction for Access to Nursing 16-20 July so I suppose that's something to look forward to. I am still not sure what career path to take. I am toying with the idea of going into mental health nursing but I am really apprehensive about all the studying involved.

I am still waiting to here about the voluntary work I applied for weeks ago....apparently they are still waiting for my CRB results (police check). So yesterday I applied for another voluntary post. This time it was with Mind as a befriender. I should be starting the training very soon.

Last friday I started the Cambridge Diet after two weeks on the lipotrim diet. The CD is a total food replacement diet so all I have been having lately is shakes and once a day a really tasty chocolate bar. The programme I am on allows four shakes a day or three with one choc bar. There is a great range of flavours and it seems to be doing the trick...so far I have lost a stone in weight. As part of the diet you have a weekly consultation with your councillor who supplies the diet and weighs and measures you. I know it's an extreme way to lose weight but I am determined to lose the weight before I go on holiday in september. I am going to adhere to the maintenence plan and totally change the way I approach eating when I have lost the initial weight. Today I weighed 15st and I want to get down to at least 13st.

Today I went lane swimming again and did 54lths( a mile) in 52mins. So I guess I have probably burned off more calories than I have actually consumed today. Same again tomorrow!

In about forty minutes I will be watching the F Word and I know from last week that won't be easy with all the lovely food on display but I just love that show. Pan...oil...heat...duck...season....Done!

Now I've done it! Started thinking about food again...better go and make myself a black coffee and remind myself why am going through hell. Bye now

Mile High Club

2007-06-06T15:17:00.000+01:00

....no not that one! Chance would be a fine thing.... I am actually referring to swimming. I have just got back from the swimming pool and I am still buzzing, must be all the endorphins released in my brain again. I managed to do 54 lengths in exactly 54 minutes....that's a mile at St Jame's Baths. I hadn't been for a few weeks so I was pleased with that time, it gives me a benchmark to work to, hopefully I will be able to knock off a few minutes as I get fitter. That time was achieved doing breast-stroke in intervals of 10 lengths with a 30 second break in between. I would love to do it using front crawl but I always get out of breath too easily. But today there was a guy coaching his rather attractive daughter so I asked him for some tips. He told me to breath every stroke instead of every three as I was doing so I tried this and it worked. I will keep trying a few front crawl strokes inbetween breast strokes till I build up my stamina.
When I'd finished swimming I weighed myself with my clothes and shoes on and awaited the printed results...in large letters it said FAT...well not really of course but it might have well said that. The real result was: Weight 15st 11lbs 100.5kg....Height 5' 8" so I have a B.M.I of 33.1 (more than 25 means I am officially overweight). It then went on to say that my ideal weight for a B.M.I between 20 and 25 is 9st 7lb to 11st 12lb dressed with shoes! I think if I was anywhere near 9st I would look anorexic so I am aiming my sights at the latter. There was also an interesting guide at the bottom of the slip which went as follows:

A Guide To Calories Expended Per Minute:

Walking 6.00 Cal
Running 18.00 Cal
Cycling 8.50 Cal
Dance 5.00 Cal
Football 9.00 Cal
Swimming 10.00 Cal

Obviously this can only be a guide as everyone is different but I guess I must have expended about 540 calories whilst swimming which isn't a bad way to spend an hour.

As I write this I am listening to a radio show from 30th of May. It's In Music We Trust with Jo Whiley....this show is featuring my favourite band of the moment Editors. They are playing live somewhere in London and sound fantastic even though my laptop's integral speakers sound a bit tinny. They are playing new tracks from the second album that comes out at the end of june...can't wait to get my hands on a copy.

Tonight England have an important euro2008 qualifier against Estonia so I have a mate coming round to watch it with 8 cans, however I will not be drinking. It's no good swimming a mile at lunchtime then downing 8 bottles of pils now is it?

That'll be all for today as I am now about to go for a walk....still buzzing!!

Writer's Blog!!

2007-06-03T21:37:00.000+01:00

The title of this post says it all...I have or indeed am suffering from writer's blog. I have been reading the blogs of the usual suspects and you all seem to be leading far more interesting lives than me...well at the moment anyway. When I started this blog I thought I would be able to write interesting and amusing posts every day but that has clearly not beeen the case. I wanted to let the world know what it's like to live with bi-polar (manic depression) but because I have been well for two years there has been no new episodes to talk about. When I am well and taking the required medication I seem to slip into a very flat state for want of a better phrase.

I don't miss the "lows", when I can become suicidal and spend weeks in an almost catatonic state, but I do miss the "highs". Oh how I miss those "highs"....When I am in an elated state I have boundless energy. I survive on less than four hours sleep and once awake I am buzzing for the rest of the day. My mind races but it is all positive energy. I've lost count of the jobs I have gained whilst buzzing on a high, I've literally interviewed the interviewer and sold myself on a wave of positive energy. But invariably the jobs didn't last long because I either grew bored very quickly or I was sacked for unacceptable behaviour. I have only ever had hypo-mania which means that it is a milder form of mania. For instance I have never had delusions of grandeur or thought that I was head of the CIA like some sufferers of mania endure.

Having said all that I am actually feeling quite elated today. Not in a way that I should concern my shrink with details but more just a feeling of well-being which is certainly a change from the apathy of the last few months. Personally I think the change in weather has had a lot to do with this. I have been able to get out on my bike and that always gives me a buzz, I can almost feel the endorphins rushing through my body.

I have been struggling with a weight problem since I left hospital just over two years ago....nothing like a stay on Ward 10 to lose a few pounds...stones actually!! lol. Initially I blamed the weight gain on my medication, Olanzapine, which is an anti-psychotic and also used as a mood stabeliser. It slows your metabolism down so you inevitably put on weight but as I am now only on 5mg per day my shrink thinks I can no longer use it as an excuse. So it must be the fact that I am eating more calories than I am burning off....or drinking them. Time for a change!
I have cut down on my alcohol intake but things keep popping up that normally involve drinking...I'm so weak! For instance, in two weeks I am going to wembley stadium to see the wonderful Muse and I can't envisage a day and night out in London without getting pissed.

Anyway back to the weather; it really has given me a new lease of life. Yesterday I cycled to my friends house, that turned out to be a 6.87 mile ride according to my trip computer which doesn't sound a lot but when you haven't cycled for a while....and I averaged 15 mph! What a buzz it is to piss car drivers off at traffic lights, leaving them standing or even running red lights...dangerous but fun at the same time. Today the sun had me up early again and after a morning spent catching up on all your blogs I decided to go to my local for a spot of sunday lunch. After a reasonable carvery I went outside to join some friends with a pint of orange in my hand...yes it's the new me! The sun was starting to burn my arms and legs after two hours of shooting shit with the lads. It was time to head off and do a few more miles on my trusty Trek 4300. I headed down to the river where it seemed the entire midgy population of Doncaster had congregated. The swarms spoilt an otherwise idilic afternoon so I headed home for a bath.

Now I am not one for spending too long in the bath...don't like the idea of lying in my own muck...but today was different. I got in a bath where the water was just a shade too hot so I just lay still trying not to scald myself. My body soon adjusted to the temperature and I began to enjoy the warmth as it eased my aching muscles. I was also in tune with the cd I had chosen to accompany me....The View's debut album Hats off to the buskers. If you haven't already bought this I reccomend that you do it's brilliant!

Well I a have enjoyed writing this post and I hope you enjoy reading it...I suppose that's what blogging is all about...to some of us at least. Anyway enjoy the weather if you can and I'll look forward to catching up with you all tomorrow....Oasis Un-plugged is on the tv now so I am off to chill for an hour. Bye now.....

WHAT A WEEKEND!!

2007-05-15T19:56:00.000+01:00

Well it all started so well...I went to my Mum's on friday for a meal that my uncle had cooked for us. I hadn't seen my uncle for a while so it was nice to catch up. We necked three bottles of white then I decided to hit the vodka...bad move, never does me any favours that stuff. I can't remember going to bed but certainly remember being woken up at 7.45am. I had to be dropped off at my flat by Mum as she was going to get her hair done for the wedding which was at 10:40am. I struggled into a bath and made myself presentable in time for my taxi.

We all gathered at the Registry Office and awaited the arrival of the bride and groom. I must say my mum looked beautiful in her suit.She is 62yrs old but looked like a much younger bride. The service was very short indeed. I must admit I prefer church weddings!
The reception was to be held in a hotel about 15mins walk away. The older members of the crowd headed off in cars whilst us younger ones walked down to the hotel.I counted seven pubs on the way down so it would have been rude not to call in at the Goose for a quick pint...I had a guinness to try and settle my stomach.

The reception was like must others I have been to, plenty to drink and speaches that went on too long. I seemed to be in a round with everybody! There wasn't going to be an evening do so we all went back to Mum's house or that was the plan. Some of us called in at the Top Club in the village for more alcoholic beverages, this is where it all started to go wrong for me. You see I have a tendancy to fall asleep anywhere when I am that drunk...then funnily enough I don't remember the next day! Somehow I managed to get back to Mum's but decided I wanted to go back to town to meet a couple of mates that I had phoned.

I met my two friends and also my uncle who was staying at the hotel mentioned earlier. I didn't last long in town which wasn't surprising considering what I had drunk all day. One of my friends put me in a taxi and before long I was knocking on my own door...bearing in mind I live alone! Having got no answer from myself I decided to try and knock the door down with my shoulder, well I've seen it done so many times on tv. How hard could it be? I must have been making an almighty racket because the guy from the flat above came down to investigate.He decided the best course of action was to remove my door handle with a screwdriver...ye that's gonna work I said to myself as I stood and watched."There's nothing else for it we are gonna have to kick the door in mate" was his reply to my now uncontrolable laughter (I'm a happy drunk if nothing else)."Ok" I said "go for it". So smash, one kick and my door was caved in. I thanked the neighbour I had never spoke to til this particular evening and made my way to my bedroom. Now for the crazy part...as I took off my suit jacket I heard the familiar jangle of my keys rattling in my pocket. What a knobhead! I had the bloody keys in my pocket all the time.

When I eventually woke up on sunday morning I thought I'd better ring the council and tell them what I had done to their door. This was my second stupid mistake in less than 24hrs. I told the lovely woman from the council that I had locked myself out and unfortunately had to kick my own door in. "ooh there will be a charge for that sir" was her reply.What an idiot I can be. If I had told her that I had been broken into whilst out there would be no charge to myself. A joiner came round within an hour and made some sort of repair with glue and about 28 screws! He thinks I won't get much change from £200. GRRRREATTT!!!

Memo to self: Never drink again!

?

2007-04-28T23:43:00.000+01:00

Lately I have been waking up in bed and asking myself the question "Who am I"...

A Better Day!

2007-04-25T10:53:00.000+01:00

Today is going to be a better day than yesterday...I'll make sure of it.
Yesterday was just "one of those days". I got up late which was a bad start, I always feel worse after a lie in. This wasn't because I had been drinking the night before it was because I had nothing to get up for and was just being a bit lazy. I spent what was left of the morning sat here at my desk engrossed in other peoples seemingly more interesting lives. Afternoon came and I had to get out of my flat, even if it was just to stop me from going blind in front of my laptop. I ventured out for a walk down a country lane hoping to take some more photos but nothing sparked an interest so I returned home to a night of tv and junk food (didn't even enjoy the pizza).
All this was in stark contrast to Monday. On Monday I had a reason to get out of bed...I had an interview for a voluntary post at a nearby psychiatric hospital. The job was to help out in The Walled Garden which is just like a garden centre within the hospital. Plants and vegetables are grown there and sold to the public and plants are grown for all the gardens in the hospital grounds. I have previously worked as a nursing assistant so working with the patients will be nothing new to me. I am looking forward to spending the summer working outside and I am sure it will do my self esteem the world of good...as it has been pretty low lately to be honest.
That's the good news, there is bad news! I probably won't be able to start for at least six weeks because I have to wait for the results of a police check...."hot summer what a bummer".
So I have got about six weeks to fill. I am going to use that time to try and get fit and lose some weight. In about half an hour I am going to the pool in town to swim a mile...I might even go on the bike as the sun is shining. What a diference a bit of sunlight makes to your day. Anyway today is the start of the rest of my life....how many times have I said that?

Views From The Riverbank II - The Sequel

2007-04-15T23:42:00.000+01:00

Today was a glorious day so with camera in pocket I headed out on my bike to enjoy the sunshine and hopefully get some cool pics. Here are a few:

Whatever you can do I can do better...This is a view of Doncaster (in the distance) from Cusworth Hall. This is a beautiful place to enjoy the sunshine and admire the views.

Two swans...a swanning!

This is a view from the woods that run along the River Don. There are some beautiful walks in this lovely part of Doncaster. This is a view from the top of the hill in previous picture.

That's all the photos from today. I used them as an experiment "in how to organise my pictures". The layout looked great in preview but all the text seems to move when I publish the post. Ah well, hopefully I will get the hang of it soon. You don't wanna know how long it took me to do this post. In my defence computers hadn't been invented when I was at school!!

Views From The Riverbank

2007-04-11T15:40:00.000+01:00

I had a lovely bike ride down to my favourite part of Doncaster this morning. Sprotborogh Flash is a nature reserve that runs parralell to the River Don. I thought I would try out my new Pentax Optio A20 camera. Here are the highlights of a lovely morning....

Well that didn't quite go to plan.

I wanted to post the photos and add a comment for each below but when I added a photo it just went straight to the top of the page.....damn!

If anyone knows how to do this properly please leave me a comment....I would be eternily grateful.

Anyway I hope you liked my first attempts with my new toy....cheers.

The A1 bridge, the Police and Me

2007-04-10T13:55:00.000+01:00

I am now gonna tell you about my last "episode" as they are known in the world of psychiatry. This happened just over two years ago but I can't remember the exact date or even the month. That seems to be the norm for me when I am depressed. I remember everything that happens to me even if I am in a catatonic state but I don't remember specifics like dates and times.

I had been feeling depressed for a few weeks and I knew I wasn't going to be able to lift myself out of it. I was working at the time as a Safety Officer on the railways but as my mood dipped I was finding it hard to concentrate on work and I was beggining to feel paranoid around my workmates. I was feeling more and more anxious and kept breaking out in cold sweats. I knew I was on the slippery slope to a deep depression.

I remember waking up on this particular sunday morning in a panic. The next day I was supposed to be driving my colleagues to the Northeast in a van to work away for some time. I knew I couldn't do this and I also knew that if I didn't go I may lose us the contract. I panicked...I went outside to my car but it wouldn't start. There was only one thing to do and that involved taking the works van.

I drove off without exactly knowing where I was going. I started to think about which was the talest building in my hometown. My mind was all over the place but I was able to drive as normal...weird when I think about it now. I had decided that as it was sunday I wouldn't be able to access any tall buildings in town, in fact there aren't that many, so my plan was flawed from the start. I drove out of town and headed for the A1 motorway. Surely there must be a bridge high enough to throw myself off and end my misery.

I headed north on a road I know only too well....I have travelled up it for more than 30 years supporting Sunderland. After a while I arrived at a place called wentbridge. Here there is a bridge where the A1 spans a river. As I drove over it I couldn't see if it was high enough so I pulled off the A1 and drove into Wentbridge to view the bridge from below. This little village was so picturesque I remember thinking what a lovely place to die. Even though it was over 2 years ago and I was in a really depressed state I remember this day as if it were yesterday. The bridge looked high enough....

I sat in a layby for what seemed hours wondering exactly how I was gonna do this. Everytime a police car passed I wondered if they were looking for me. My plan was to drive onto the bridge and fake a breakdown so that's what I did.
It was late afternoon when I drove onto the bridge and pulled over to the edge. I put on the hazards and lifted the bonnet. I stood there for a while and waited for the first police car to arrive. As one turned the bend in the distance I climbed over the railings and hung on. Those who know me well will know that I am petrified by heights but on this particular day I was fine...must have been something to do with my state of mind at that time.

A policeman left his car behind my van and approached me very slowly. I think I told him to stay back or I would jump. He kept his distance and muttered something on his radio. After a while more squad cars arrived and they eventually cordened off one lane of the motorway. I remember looking into the eyes of the drivers as they passed slowly by, some even shouting "jump" or giving me the wanker sign. I didn't care, they didn't know me or the reasons why I was there. I remember feeling cold the metal of the barrier was making my hands go numb.

After a while fire engines appeared and parked in the distance, by now the whole of the A1 was blocked off. I had managed to close an entire motorway. By now trained negotiators were messing with my head, they were good. They tried to make me feel guilty suggesting that people with heart trouble or pregnant women could be stuck in the traffic jam. They also put it to me that if I did jump I probably wouldn't die. The ground below was soft and I would probably just parralise myself. This got to me as they suggested that my Mother would have to look after me for the rest of my life. I had been on the bridge for 3 hours when I finally gave up.
I was helped over the railing by the police as by now I was suffering from mild hypothermia. I was wrapped in a blanket and rushed off to the nearest hospital.

When in hospital they wrapped me in a "space suit" and heated me with what seemed like a giant hair dryer. The worst part of the day came when I saw my Mum. She hugged me and the tears flowed from both of us....she looked like she had seen a ghost. I feel guilty even writing about this moment in time. I promised myself I would never put her through this again. I was assessed and then I was driven in an ambulance to Ward10, the psychiatric ward of my local hospital....I'd been here before!

I think I was in Ward10 for a couple of months. I lost loads of weight as I wasn't eating I was in an almost catatonic state for a few days. Eventually my mood lifted with the help of medication and E.C.T (electro convulsive therapy ) by the way that's not as bad as it sounds and it seems to work on me so hey! The difference with this episode and previous ones was the after care I got. I had a great careworker who helped me get my flat and applied for all the grants and benefits that I was entitled to. So although I am not working I am living quite comfortably and enjoyin life again. I am on a new drug, well new to me, and it has kept me stable for over two years. I still see my psychiatrist on a regular basis and he is pleased with the way I am coping with this illness. Because that's what it's all about, controlling your illness cos it will probably be here foer the rest of my life....ah well. I think having Bi-Polar has made me a more complete person and I am very understanding of others.

I'll finish on a lighter note....Sunderland won again yesterday and now we are top of the league...well done the lads!

Tag...you're it!

2007-04-04T20:36:00.000+01:00

I haven't had much to say lately but today on reading my comments I found that I had been tagged by Crazy Spanish Girl so I thought I would give it a go. God only knows how long this is gonna take to type because I have got one eye on the football.....here goes!

A - Available or single? Always available for other singles!

B - Best friends? Kev...the world would be a poorer place without him

C - Cake or pie? Steak n ale pie ( pre diet of course )

D - Drink of choice? Ice cold milk

E - Essential item? Mobile phone (what did I do before they were invented )

F - Favourite colour? Green

G - Gummi bears or worms? What are gummi bears? Sound American to me so worms

H - Hometown? Doncaster...it's in God's country Yorkshire!

I - Indulgence? Music

J - January or February? February...January is for girls

K - Kids and names? 1 son Cameron...the apple of my eye ( and the spit of his dad or so everyone tells me )

L - Life is incomplete without? See K above

M - Marriage date? Next June...no pressure girls!

N - Number of siblings? 1 sister

O - Oranges or apples? Oranges apPeal more to me

P - Phobias/Fears? Not scared to admit that I am petrified by heights

Q - Favourite quote? " Look at what you could've won"...thanks Jim Bowen

R - Reasons to smile? When Sunderland win and Newcastle lose

S - Season? Spring...that's when my mania used to kick in

T - Tag 3 people....Julia, Rebecca and Born Worrier

U - Unknown fact about me? I have had E.C.T on numerous occasions

V - Vegetable you hate? Turnip...feel sick typing it...should be banned!

W - Worst habbit? Picking my feet...and I don't care how many cringed just then

X - X-Rays you've had? Who made up these questions anyway? My wrist

Y - Your favourite foods? LOVE food, too many to mention because Lost is on soon

Z - Zodiac? Virgo but don't hold that against me I'm a quick learner!

Well bloggers there you have it....time taken to write: 7.3 hours!!!!

42 And Losing My Marbles?

2007-03-28T14:48:00.000+01:00

I have just realised I have done something stupid and I am wondering is this against the norm for me.
About two hours ago whilst in town I payed a visit (in more ways than one...bear with me) to the ATM at Halifax Building Society. I asked the machine(not literally...I'm not that mad) for a mini-statement. On reading this, and being pleased with my balance, I proceeded to "ask" the machine for £30. Now for some unknown reason I seem to have walked away with my card and left the money at the atm. What a knobhead!!
I have just rang the bank to enquire if some honest and upstanding citizen had found MY money and handed it in. They couldn't tell me so they have invited me to fill in a "What happens when a knobhead leaves his money at the atm" form.
Has anyone else in Blogland done this or am I indeed on a slippery slope to dementia?

Bubble Of Bunnies

2007-03-20T14:40:00.000Z

Well that blew the cobwebs off!! I have just been for a long walk
to try and energise myself and it worked. I felt crap all day
yesterday as I was recovering from a weekend on the drink so
when I saw the blue skies this morning I thought it would be a
good time to go and get some fresh air...and there was plenty of
that.

I am lucky where I live as I only have to walk for 10 minutes then I am in the countryside. There's loads of open farmland and a
massive woodland. I took this photo with my phone so excuse the quality...my phone is a walkman phone so as I walked I had Jo Whilley for company. The sun was shinning but the wind was freezing. I was wrapped in my ski jacket and hat with ear flaps, I must have looked a sight but I didn't care I was enjoying being at one with the elements.

It wasn't long into the walk when I noticed a bubble of bunnies (what is the collective term for a group of wild rabbits?). They soon dissappeared under the hedgerow and I was alone once again. It gave me time to reflect on my life as it stands at the moment. My conclusion was that I am not too happy with life these days. I am really fed up because I am not working at the moment (althouhg I do have an interview for voluntary work in a hospice next week). I haven't worked since I came out of hospital in May 2005, It's a long time to be doing nothing! I am financially comfortable because I have finally claimed for all the benefits I am entitled to but I can become incredibly lonely during the day. In the evening I use my tv for company.

Back to the walk...I haven't walked this far for ages and I was really enjoying myself. I love nature especially birds(I was a bit of a twitcher when I was a lot younger). I saw loads of birds this morning, I was followed down a farm track by a group of Long-tailed tits, they seem to enjoy company chittering away happily. I watched a Kestrel hovering for a few moments in awe at the way it kept it's head still in near gale force winds. What a view it must have had up there!

After about an hour I entered the woods that skirt the estate where I was brought up. I spent countless hours as a child playing in those woods....bird nesting, making dens, climbing trees then being scared cos I don't like heights! My Mum still lives next to the woods so I called in for a cuppa and some lunch...she's always obliging...well Mums are aren't they? As I entered the porch I could smell the stew that she was cooking (by the way the best stew in the world) so guess what I am having for tea tomorrow! It's always better the second day...

Got to go now and copy a cd for a mate: Standing in the Way of Control by The Gossip. I bought it yesterday and was very impressed by it...give it a listen.

T.G.I.F!!

2007-03-16T18:13:00.000Z

Hi everybody in Blogland!!

I am having a weekend off blogging and here's why:-

Friday: Well I don't usually need an excuse to go out for a drink with the lads and I got paid today for some work I have been doing (don't tell anyone who looks official!!) so I am going out to meet the woman of my dreams...so that means I will be put in a taxi by one of the lads with only a kebab for company....

Saturday: Today will hopefully be a day full of joy as Sunderland beat Hull City at The Stadium Of Light. Hopefully you will all have your fingers crossed for a home win cos I will not be a happy blogger next week if we lose....

Sunday: Quality time with my son who is 14 going on 40...We have been invited to a six yrs old's birthday party with a football theme. Hopefully I will get to be referee then I can bully a load of six year olds....control freak or what?

Have a great week everyone....that is those of you who have read this!!

2007-03-15T18:29:00.000Z

Hi Rebecca! Thanks for the advice. This is a shot of me in the French Alps in February
Why I had a wok under my jacket God only knows!!!!

Blogging!!!

2007-03-14T22:47:00.000Z

Well I can't believe how easily I have become addicted to blogging! It is fast becoming my favourite pastime. I am fascinated by people in general and this has introduced me to a place where I can "meet" anonymous people from all over the world. What a strange breed we humans are!
What a buzz it was to receive my first comments...I'm easily pleased!! I don't know yet how often I wll be posting my own blog...I'm not sure I have got that much interesting stuff to say, especially after reading some blogs from the more experienced bloggers. I want to make mine look cool but have struggled in the editting process. I want to know how to post photos without taking over the whole page, as I did with my first effort. Any help would be most appreciated...

As I said in my first post one of my passions in life is Sunderland afc. I was hoping to tell you of a magnificent victory last night when we played Stoke at home but unfortunately I am not a liar so I can't. The truth is we played terrible and only just managed a draw with a goal in the last minute of normal time. I pay a lot of money to watch Sunderland and have to travel 112 miles to go to a "home" game so I feel I have a rite to feel annoyed. "Why go then!" I hear you shout. Well to be honest I sometimes wonder myself but I guess it's in my blood. My Dad is from Sunderland and he used to take me as a young boy and I was soon hooked. When you win and have played well there is nothing like it, the atmosphere generated by 40,000+ fans gets to you like no drug ever could. I apologise to all you non-football fans but I just had to get it out...be warned there will be more rants and ravings before the season's end!!!

Day One

2007-03-12T19:09:00.000Z

Welcome to the World According To Stephen with a ph....most people who know me would say that there is never a dull moment when I am around. I try to live life to the full and live every day as though it were my last. I love to make people laugh whether I mean to or not!!

I have 3 passions in life....
1. My 14 years old son
2. Music
3. Sunderland afc

My son doesn't live with me but he visits regularly and we have a wonderful loving relationship and mutual respect.

Where would we be without music? It helps us through difficult times and cheers us up...see my profile for musical preferences...although I have only scratched the surface!

Following Sunderland has been like a rollercoaster ride over the years. We always seem to be avoiding relegation or fighting to be promoted. We have had some amazing highs and some desperate lows but it is always great fun supporting "the lads".

I had a fairly ordinary childhood, two loving parents and an annoying younger sister who I grew fond of as I got older...we are best friends now!! I was popular at school and had a large circle of friends and was studying to do 9 o levels when my world fell apart.....
.....I became an intrevert after being bullied by a classmate and started missing school. I became depressed and spent most of my time locked away in my bedroom. My condition worsened and I was admitted to a psychiatric ward of a local hospital. I was the youngest patient and it was soon deemed impossible to treat me there so I was sent to a childrens psychiatric hospital in Nottingham. This was about an hour away and it put enormous pressure on my family.
I was there for a few months and was treated for depression then later for mania. I eventually returned to school but I was unable to sit my o levels having missed so much of the syllabus. I was due to drop back a year and enter my sister's class but in the summer I decided against this and gained employment in the local mine. My only regret in life is that I didn't go back to school and get a university education. Such is life!
I had a couple of good years then I became depressed again. My psychiatrist noticed a pattern of mania followed by depression and I was eventually diagnosed with manic-depression or Bi-Polar Affective Dissorder as it is now known. What followed was years of illness....high in the summer and depressed in the winter....more of my mood swings and hospital admissions later.
Hopefully I haven't bored you all to death...time to go back to the real world! I'll be back in Blogland at a later date. Bye now...